Like attracts Like

November 25, 2010

On 25th of October 2010, Taylor Swift released her nth album. I couldn’t say that i am her fan but i admit i dig most of her songs, well, i always prefer female solo singer in general. Not always, but their song lyrics often depict what a girl (or woman) might feel. It’s great to hear someone else voicing out something that i always have in my mind. Ever heard an anecdote below?

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all*

See? Most of men on this planet have had convention already that woman is kind of creature whose their way of thought is too incomprehensible, thus it would save their life to just trying not to understand it. What i am trying to say is that it feels great when i know there are other women who i share my sentiment with & understand what i feel. It’s rewarding! If Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, and Jojo are reside in Depok, i would befriend with them!

Actually, it isn’t unreasonable to feel that way. I had Miller’s Intimate Relationship (2010) by my side while i was writing this, so let’s see what i could find in the said book regarding my ramble above.

Miller claimed that one of the most basic principles of interpersonal attraction is the rule of similarity : Like attracts Like (p. 93). Confirm my case and Taylor Swift, Miller explain further that it’s rewarding to have someone else share , and thereby validate, our opinions and tastes (p. 218). To clarify about what kind of similarities we are talking about, Miller explain that it’s almost any kind of similarity. For examples, similarity in attitudes and values, refer to Byrne and Nelson model (1965), it have been proved that the more agreement, the more liking! Another kind similarity is similarity in personalities, people with similar styles and trait** tend to get along well, as time goes by (Gonzaga et al., 2007). In particular, husbands and wives with similar personalities have happier marriages than do spouses with different styles (Gaunt, 2006).

Miller added that what’s notable about this is that if you have some undesirable personality traits, you may be more content with someone who share those liabilities that someone who offers no such drawbacks (p. 94).

Some thought was gnawing in the back of my head while i was reading this. Refer to the last addition by Miller, i don’t think i will prefer a slacker man (as slacker as i am) as my spouse, maybe we could maintain in a good term with each other but what would happen into our life? As a big time slacker, i need someone who could save me from the dark pit of procrastination, not someone who would accompany me in that dark pit! The same thing goes on my other undesirable traits (which are a LOT).

Wait, but what will my spouse feel when he always have to face my undesirable traits? Won’t he be annoyed by me?? Ok, i clarify that the point is i need him to accompany me in correcting my undesirable traits and if i success, he won’t have to deal with it any longer. I wouldn’t let my beloved husband deal with all undesirable traits for all his life for sure. So in a sense, Miller statement is right, but for me, i would rather to put it in this way,

“Willingness and effort to change ourselves to be a better person through the journey (relationship) is more important than the state we are in when we start the journey.

What do you think??

I remember when my lecturer were explaining this topic, there were some arguments that sometimes opposites do attract too. Perhaps some of you have experienced it? Lately i started to think that this kind of attraction is script writer and fiction story author’s favourite. You know, at first the main casts hate each other and involve in so many conflicts because they have so many differences but in the end they are madly in love with each other. So, do opposites attract?? Anticipate it in my upcoming posts!! I’ll keep it for awhile X) haha

Comments are loved! ❤

*this anecdote was used in one of presentation presented in one of Interpersonal Relationship’s Lecture (and i shamelessly borrow it XD)

**Trait : a consistent, enduring way of thinking, feeling, or behaving (Ciccarelli & Meyer, 2006)


Ciccarelli, K. Meyer, G. E. (2006). Psychology. New Jersey : McGrew Hill

Miller. (2010). Intimate Relationship. New Jersey : McGrew Hill


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